The Adventures of Deidara's Arm
by DarkeFlame
Summary: Deidara's arm gets blown off into another dimension, end of story, right? WRONG! Follow Dedara's arm's adventures through multiple fandoms, and watch as it faces off dinosaurs, Kira, Voldemort, Zombies, teenagers, and more. OCs, OOCness, Crack, stupidity
1. Prolouge

**This is stupid. This is really stupid. This will go across many different fandoms, including Lord of the Rings, Eragon, Prehistoric times (like with dinosaurs and stuff), Maximum Ride, High School (with the druggies and cheerleaders and jocks), Death Note, Harry Potter, and 2012 (like with zombies). You will not need to read any of these to understand what we (I got a few ideas off of my cousin, Bob *which is **_**totally**_** her real name*) be writing, but it will be stupid. You have been warned.**

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there were... NINJAS. *insert ominous music/star wars theme*  
>These ninjas were really awesome. And Evil. They were so Evil, we have had to capitalize the 'E' in Evil beacuse they were so Evil. They had to fight retarded, colorblind, ADHD, depressed, bipolar, psychotic, schitzophrenic, claustrophobic, gay ninjas who are not well-endowed (if you know what I mean *wink wink*)<br>This story is about an effeminate blonde ninja (who is also gay, but way awesomer than the other ninja, and better endowed (if you know what I mean *wink wink*) who loooooooooooves explosions), whose arm got blown off into another dimension. *dun dun DUUUUNNN*

This is it's story.

**Review if you want me to continue writing this crack. I'll keep writing anyways, but it will be much slower and crappier than what it could have been if you had reviewed. I'll cut my cousin Bob *which is **_**totally**_** her real name* if you don't review. She's telling me to write this while reading over my shoulder. But I'll do it. I really will. *Bob: Heyy!* So review, unless you want me to blame y'all for her death.**


	2. The Adventures of Deidara's Arm Part II

**The second Chapter in the Adventures of Deidara's Arm is up! I disclaim anything mentioned in this fanfic that I don't own. Which is almost all of it. Anyways, R&R, my people!**

The Arm* fell into a swirling vortex of light. Many colors swirled around it, as it fell into oblivion. It fell unconcious as it approached a gate of darkness.

The Arm slowly regained conciousness, as it had been granted self-awareness during the dimension-crossing.  
>"Smeagol found food, mastersss. It fell from the ssky. We eat?" Smeagol asked.<br>"I don't think I can cook the arm without a fire, and I don't want to give away our position." Sam said warily. "Besides, we don't know where that arm's been."  
>"Sam's right. Just leave it and we'll set up camp in an hour." Frodo commanded.<br>"Hey, quit talking about me like I'm not here! Just because I don't have a heart doesn't mean I don't have feelings!" The Arm yelled. And then it bit Smeagol.  
>"It hurtsss Smeagol! It must die!" Smeagol started flailing his arm, which The Arm was attached to. He hit Sam in the face, and he staggered backwards, trying to catch his balance. Frodo saw it all in<br>slow motion, as he lunged forward, trying to stop the inevitable. He just knocked Sam further off balance.  
>"AGHHHHHHHHHHH!"Sam screamed, his last words echoing around the trio.<br>"Oh my God, you killed Kenny! I mean Sam!" Tha arm yelled.  
>"I-I killed him. He's dead because of me. My only friend. WHY? WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME?" Frodo screamed his anguish to the heavens.<br>"BECAUSE YOU'RE A PRICK WHO YELLS TO LOUDLY MR-I-DON'T-WANT-ANYONE-TO-FIND-US!" The Arm yelled back.

***which needs a name, I'll take suggestions in reviews or PMs.  
>So, waddya think? Also, for the name, I'm looking for something that can be spelled a multitude of ways. Like Mathiew. Or Matthieu. Something along those lines, anyways. <strong>


	3. Ho Ho Ho

Part 3 y'all! I know, I know, y'all hate me for the oh-so-evil cliffie I left you with. Now, I redeem myself! I still don't own Naruto, Deidara's Arm (however I do have a plushie a friend left at my hose on accident... she won't be getting it back for a while), or LOTR.

"Noooo! Dinner- I mean the fat one is gone! What are we going to eat?" Smeagol cried, sad because he now has nothing to eat, since Sam decided to fall off the edge of a cliff. The sound of bells slowly filled the companion's ears.  
>"HOHOHO!" Santa yelled, merrily flying his sleigh towards Sam's falling body. Sam fell right into Santa's sleigh. Santa flew his sleigh up to the ledge where Smeagol, Frodo, and the Arm waited impatiently. Frodo wanted his friend back, Smeagol was hungry, and the Arm...he was impatient, I just haven't decided why yet.<br>Rudolf's nose started glowing red, and the light filled up the gloomy, dark cavern. The glow seemed to coalesce around Rudolf's nose. He faced Sam. Then Rudolf's nose errupted into a GIANT LASERBEAM!  
>The GIANT LASERBEAM! hit Sam head on (apply directly to the forehead) and he exploded. Then, as if following a chain reaction, everyone else (Santa, donner, blitzen, rainbow, and all of those others I don't care about) exploded. Blood rained down, and Smeagol was in heaven as he gathered the broken limbs for dinner. He would eat well for the next few days. Everyone else, however looked naseous.<p>

I think Sam is going to turn into 'Kenny'. I already planned out his death later on. In fact, I may or may not be including a small timeskip to when Frodo throws the ring into Mordor. Because I still haven't watched the movies to see what happens, I know there's a giant spider-thing, but...yeah. Santa wasn't my idea. It was my brother. He said that after we were all high on grief because my grandmother decided to fall and get a head injury about an hour ago (11-ish) and, instead of going to the hospital near us, she's possibly getting helicoptered to the one in Pittsburgh, which is a really, really long drive. So, updating will be less reliable than usual. If I do forget, you are free to hunt me down and force me at gunpoint to continue this saga. Till then~ 


	4. AIDs

**So…a LOT of stuff has happened lately. Stuff as in I need to go to get an MRI tomorrow. Plus my friend realized where she left her Deidara plushy. I'm writing off stress. And it's Friday. Y'all deserve a chapter. And my grandmother got better! She still looks like crap and is living with us, but she'll be ready to go sometime before…January? I settled on a name. Try to guess what it means before I end the series (going through high school, star wars, and everything). I also forgot to do research, so y'all get a lazy, inaccurate, time-skip! I don't own anything!**

They were at the edge of Mt. Doom Frodo, Sam, Keku (Deidara's Arm.), and Sméagol. Frodo walked towards the edge of the volcano. Everyone else followed. Sméagol stared hungrily at the ring, Sam stared hungrily, and Keku didn't stare, because Keku has no eyes. Sméagol tackled Frodo, and the semi-epic/dramatic half invisible fight for the ring began. Dun dun DUUUN!

Sam sat down, and began eating some reindeer jerky he mad by lowering the raw reindeer meat he stole from Sméagol down towards the lava with a fish hook. Keku didn't know what was going on, because it was an arm. Arms don't have any senses, other than touch, but since Keku was Deidara's arm, he could taste, but nothing else. So, in a weird twist of fate **(aka ME)** Keku caught the ring, and threw it towards Sam, because it was all gross and hot and sweaty.

Sam, leaning over the edge of the volcano, was hit in the butt with the gross and hot and sweaty ring, and fell into the lava.  
>"Oh my god, you killed Sam!" Frodo screamed, pushing Sméagol off of him, and jumped after Sam. Into the volcano. Then Eowinny (idk her name, she's not important enough. The formerly evil king's daughterAragorn's attempt at pedophilia) rode up on a DRAGON and made out with Keku.

"My hero!" She swooned. Then they rode off into the sunset on a DRAGON, ignoring the fact that the Dementors-I mean Nazgul- were trying to kill them. Then Eowinny got push- _fell_ off the DRAGON. Everyone else died, except for Sméagol, who slept with Elrond, got AIDS, and died. And then the world exploded. But before that happened, the sunset turned into a teleportation device, taking Keku and its DRAGON to…somewhere else.

**Now a moment of silence for those who have died from AIDS and other STDs. It may have been used for comedic purposes here, but it is a serious issue, and should not be taken lightly. Now for some non-depressing stuff.  
>Spoiler: UNPROTECTED VIRGIN SEX! But that doesn't happen until later…and there are no details. This is T-rated. So, this is the end of the first adventure of Deidara's arm. His name will change in every story, since I finally decided on one. It's actually a word that I put into a translator. If you can guess what the word is in English, you get a…I actually don't know what it'll be yet. But it will be awesome. I hope to see y'all in the Inheritance Trilogy (or my other stories, if they interest you. Shameless self-promotion, don't you love it?) as Keku adventures around on his…adventure. The next installments can be found in the crossover section of , or you can hop onto my profile and find them there. Adios, my lovelies!<br>**


End file.
